I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize