i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
