Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
