someone get that fucking seahorse.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
