I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this just has baby written all over it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize