i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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