IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
