I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would fuck him just for his dog
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