WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize