I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
