Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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