So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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