i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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