you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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