His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
