dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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