I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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