my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
