i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize