You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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