You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
