I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
