Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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