The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
