I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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