I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
