Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
