How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
