I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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