I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
