I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
