We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
