It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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