Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize