We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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