new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
