I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
