I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He better not be in your backpack
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
