I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
