did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
