I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
