Is it because I queefed?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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