Yo dont text me then not text me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
