We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
