i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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