He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
