you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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