Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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