i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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