Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
