her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
