Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize