last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
