but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
