The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
