Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
