watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize