my vag is so smooth its legendary
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
