That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
