Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
