i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
