East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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