First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need to stop coming to work sober
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
