...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
