Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
