Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
