don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
