No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
