real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
