4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't put those talents on a resume
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
