soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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