oh god the rape fog is back!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
