Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize