nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
