we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
