You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
