I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
