My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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