I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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