the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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