if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
They have beer where we have blood.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize