She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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