Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
