So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
