What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
