You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
