Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
