I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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