Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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