Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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