kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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