bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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