Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
