im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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