but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
