i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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