First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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