At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
