PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
