so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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