I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
