My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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