im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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