Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
