the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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