We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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