I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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