I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
