maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
