your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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