Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's never too late to be topless.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
