Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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