if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
