I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
