burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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