Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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